What is a tantrum?
A tantrum is an intense outburst of emotion like crying, screaming, kicking, hitting, etc. that happens when a child is overwhelmed, frustrated, or doesn’t have the skills yet to express themselves in words. Tantrums are very common in young children because their emotional regulation, self-control, and verbal skills are still developing.
What ages & situations are tantrums typical (age-appropriate)
While each child develops differently, there are general patterns:
| Age | Typical Tantrum Behavior | What is Reasonable |
| Infants to ~18 months | Crying, wailing, sometimes physical thrashing if physiologically upset (hungry, tired, overstimulated). Limited ability to communicate wants or feelings. | Very short tantrums; usually less intentional and more reactive to needs. Caregiver soothing works best. |
| Around 18–36 months (toddlers) | More frequent tantrums: frustration when they can’t do things independently, anger when denied something, difficulty waiting, transitions are hard. | Tantrums in this age are very normal; often last a few minutes. Their vocabulary is growing, but it’s still hard for them to express strong feelings or regulate impulses. |
| Preschool (3-5 years) | Tantrums when routine is broken, expectations are high, when asked to stop a fun activity, sharing demands, transitions, tiredness. Children begin to use more words but may still act out physically when upset. | We expect fewer tantrums as they develop better coping skills. The child should be able to calm down more quickly; some verbal interaction is possible. |
| Early school age (5-7 years) | Tantrums become less frequent. If they happen: more verbal, reasoning, possibly protest or argument rather than meltdown. | By this age, children should have some tools for self-regulation: being able to talk about how they feel, ask for help, calm with support. |
Situations & triggers: When tantrums are likely
Some of the most common tantrum triggers include physical needs such as over-tiredness, hunger, or illness; sudden transitions like moving from playtime to cleanup or leaving the playground; being told “no” or wanting something they can’t have or do; sensory overload from too much noise, activity, or stimulation; and emotionally charged moments of frustration, jealousy, or disappointment. Recognizing these patterns helps parents anticipate when a meltdown might occur and, in many cases, prevent or lessen the intensity of a tantrum.
What parents/caregivers should do:
Part of growing as a parent and teacher is learning to recognizing and anticipate when a meltdown might occur and, in many cases, prevent or lessen the intensity of a tantrum. Try these ideas:
- Prevent before meltdown – notice the triggers, give warnings before transitions (“5 more minutes of play then cleanup”), ensure basic needs like sleep, food, rest are met. (Child Mind Institute)
- Stay calm and grounded – as hard as it is, the parent’s / caregiver’s calm can help the child calm. If you react with anger or shame, that can escalate things. (Child Mind Institute)
- Validate feelings first (“You look very upset,” “I see you wanted that toy,” etc.), before trying to reason — “Connect & Redirect.” (Thrillshare)
- Offer choices where possible – giving a child some control can reduce frustration. (“Do you want to put your shoes on first or your jacket?”)
- Use strategies for calming – deep breaths, quiet space, physical movement, sensory tools or soothing items.
- After the tantrum, when the child is calm, reflect: talk about what happened, what helped, what could be done differently next time. Help build the language of emotion. (Child Mind Institute)
- Reinforce positives – praise when they calm themselves down, when they try to use words, when they cope well, even small successes.
When to seek additional help
Most tantrums are a normal part of early childhood development, but there are times when extra support or professional consultation may be needed. Parents should consider seeking help if tantrums become extremely frequent like several times a day or continue beyond the toddler or preschool years. Teachers and Parents should know that if they last unusually long and escalate into aggression, property destruction, or self-harm to get help. Additional warning signs include a child who seems chronically dysregulated, anxious, depressed, or withdrawn; physical symptoms such as breath-holding, headaches, stomachaches, or significant sleep and appetite issues (as noted by Hopkins Medicine).
Ongoing, intense tantrums past age five or six, with little recovery time or ability to use words, can also signal a need for further evaluation. Finally, if parents or caregivers feel overwhelmed, unsure how to help, or find the behavior is disrupting family life, it’s wise to reach out to the child’s pediatrician. The pediatrician can offer guidance and, if necessary, refer families to a child psychologist, behavioral specialist, or other appropriate resources.
How Schoolhouse Learning Center handles Tantrums
At Schoolhouse Learning Center, we use a compassionate, brain-based approach inspired by The Whole-Brain Child to guide children through tantrums. Teachers work proactively to prevent meltdowns by maintaining predictable routines, watching for triggers like tiredness or hunger, and giving transition warnings. When a child becomes upset, caregivers stay calm, speak gently at the child’s level, and provide comfort or a quiet space to help them regulate their emotions. Once the child is calmer, staff help name feelings, guide simple calming strategies, and discuss better ways to handle similar situations in the future. Throughout the process, teachers set firm but caring boundaries—ensuring safety while avoiding punishment in the heat of the moment—and praise positive coping and emotional expression. Finally, they keep parents informed about triggers, strategies, and progress so that home and school approaches stay consistent.
Tips for Parents: What You Can Do at Home
- Mirror what we do at the center: notice triggers, give warnings, stay calm, validate, help calm, reflect afterward.
- Build an “emotion toolbox” at home: breathing games, sensory items, calming corners, books about emotions.
- Use clear, simple language to help your child express how they feel. (“You seem sad,” “You are angry,” “You wanted to stay longer”).
- Avoid power struggles: give choices, allow some autonomy where possible.
- Use stories, drawings, play to help children process feelings.
- Model your own emotional regulation. Children learn a lot from how you handle stress.
Tantrums are a normal part of childhood development, especially in toddlers and preschoolers. They’re messy, challenging, sometimes exhausting—but they also present opportunities. Opportunities for connection, teaching self-regulation, empathy, and building emotional vocabulary.
At Schoolhouse Learning Center, we believe in responding with compassion, structure, and consistency. We partner with parents so children get the message: you are seen, your feelings matter, and you are safe, even when you are upset. If at any time you are concerned about how often, how severe, or how lasting tantrums are please reach out. Your child’s pediatrician, or a child therapist, can provide extra strategies or assessment if needed.